Is Somnacontortion A Word?

RA Guy Adventures of RA Guy

contortion-2-resizedSomnambulance. Some people walk in their sleep. Rheumatoid Arthritis Guy has never had this problem, although it seems like he’s started doing something else in his sleep for which there is still no name. I’ve started acting like a contortionist while I sleep. When I wake up, the first thought on my mind is often “What pretzel have you wrapped yourself up in now?”

Of course, it is my rheumatoid arthritis that is twisting me into these fun shapes. It seems to be having a lot of fun on my hands and feet. I continue to learn just how many different directions a group of five fingers can point in. My wrists continue to sound like crunchy cellophane in the morning. Really thick crunchy cellophane.

(Speaking of pretzels, does anyone remember those large shopping mall pretzels that were both illuminated and warmed up with a huge heating light? Some of them had rock crystals so large that if they were slightly polished, they could be mounted on a ring. What was up with that? And while I am at the mall, I can’t forget those horrible outfits that the people who worked at Hot Dog on a Stick had to wear.)

So I guess it’s time to once again take out my lovely forearm wrist braces, that actually prevent a lot of this twisting and turning that takes place during the night. I also have a pair of ulnar deviation gloves. (That’s a mouthful.) They have a strap that wraps around each individual finger. They do a really good job…sometimes so much so that I can only wear them for an hour. You see, when my hands are pulled back into their “correct” position, they are no longer in their “natural” position…and that can really hurt.

Now if I could only do a one-armed handstand!

Stay tuned…for the next adventure of Rheumatoid Arthritis Guy!