http://www.rheumatoidarthritisguy.com/library/ Library Home Forum: Living With RA - Recent Posts en Wed, 22 May 2013 00:49:49 +0000 http://www.rheumatoidarthritisguy.com/library/topic/marriagerelationships-ra#post-395 Mon, 02 May 2011 12:26:10 +0000 ddsalazar 395@http://www.rheumatoidarthritisguy.com/library/ <p>My husband and I have been married 6 years. He did tell me he had RA when we were a month into our dating. I had an aunt who died due to the shutdown of her body because of RA so I somewhat knew what I was in for. It is hard to live with a spouse, male especially, as he want to be the protector, the provider. For my husband, that is his main stumbling area. I work and we also take care of my aging father in law. Is it hard? YES!! I find myself taking care of everyone but myself and I really can't do that because if I am down, things go south. David does a lot, pushes himself a lot, and I at times can only be there to offer support, love and to take care of him when he is not able to do so. I love him, though it is hard at times when he is irritable, but it is not towards me, his anger at times is toward his body. Marriage/relationships are hard, living with a chronic disease is VERY. A strong foundation of communication, love and patience are paramount if you are to keep going, even when you feel you can't. </p> http://www.rheumatoidarthritisguy.com/library/topic/marriagerelationships-ra#post-362 Mon, 07 Jun 2010 18:33:28 +0000 kirbir 362@http://www.rheumatoidarthritisguy.com/library/ <p>I am really fortunate to have a boyfriend who is very supportive. He is constantly helping me, both physically and emotionally. He is fine to take many breaks during hiking, walking, and other such outdoorsy things and is always checking on me. I find often that I have a hard time opening up fully to him because I don't want him to know how bad things are. </p> http://www.rheumatoidarthritisguy.com/library/topic/marriagerelationships-ra#post-337 Tue, 10 Nov 2009 17:16:06 +0000 jdfwood 337@http://www.rheumatoidarthritisguy.com/library/ <p>I have found over the last 3 years that RA can be extremely stressful to a marriage. It has taken me 2 years to come to grips with having a chronic illness. My husband is still coming to terms with it. The first year after my diagnosis of RA, OA, and Sjogrenes' Syndrome my husband refused to even hear about any of it. I was even told to shut up and stop talking about anything to do with it!!!! He has come a long way since then. He comes with me to Rheumy appointments, therapy appointments, etc. There are times that he still feels anger that I can not do what I used to do. The roughest spot we are having right now is that he is the sole bread winner. It rubs him the wrong way every now and then, but all in all we are coping. We are having to file bankruptcy, but will get to keep our home. I know we will have many more rough spots to deal with over the years, but we will hopefully work through each one together. </p> http://www.rheumatoidarthritisguy.com/library/topic/work-ra#post-334 Mon, 09 Nov 2009 19:41:23 +0000 RA Fire Guy 334@http://www.rheumatoidarthritisguy.com/library/ <p>I was just recently diagnosed with RA, although I had battling a severe flare up for almost 8 months before my pride brought me finding out what I have. I work as a firefighter and you can imagine how where my fears go when thinking about my next annual PT test, or what I will be like next year, or 5 years from now. Right now I feel ok...the prednisone helps while I wait for the MTX to hopefully help. For the first time in my life I feel like everything around me is out of control. It's a terrible feeling for someone who seems to always control everything that was/is out of control around him. I have to believe that I can and will continue to do the job that I believe I was truly called to do. I'll keep you posted! An early Happy Veteran Days to all of you who have served or may be serving. Mike... </p> http://www.rheumatoidarthritisguy.com/library/topic/marriagerelationships-ra#post-322 Mon, 21 Sep 2009 18:21:35 +0000 turtlemom 322@http://www.rheumatoidarthritisguy.com/library/ <p>I'm quite fortunate to have the most supportive husband in the world. He doesn't "understand," but he believes in me, believes me when I say it's a bad day, and brings me stuff so I don't have to struggle up. He taught himself to cook so I wouldn't have to stand for too long at a time. Whatta guy! He has heart problems, but we are managing. The children (adults) don't understand, but they accept and support. Same with the grandchildren. I'm so blessed! My husband says that he is blessed, too. Life is a struggle, but we will make it. We are determined. </p> http://www.rheumatoidarthritisguy.com/library/topic/marriagerelationships-ra#post-318 Fri, 18 Sep 2009 13:13:45 +0000 khewitt 318@http://www.rheumatoidarthritisguy.com/library/ <p>Best of luck to all three of you....</p> <p>So had another "discussion" the other day with my wife. Things got pretty heated and she asked me whats the biggest thing that bothers me. I honestly told her that her lack of interest in learning about my "superpower", whether thru me or the pamphlets, or internet was the biggest thing. I have taken y'alls advice and started tell her about my bad days and what im expierncing. Her reaction was just saying that she doesnt want to "dwell" on it. I dont know whether to see that as a positive thing or a negative thing. I have become a very to-the-point person in the past few months and i try my best to pass the knowledge on as i learn it, but nothing i can do seems to get her to actually learn more with or actually show more interest with whats going on. Its definately frustrating. </p> http://www.rheumatoidarthritisguy.com/library/topic/marriagerelationships-ra#post-317 Thu, 17 Sep 2009 10:44:07 +0000 Helen 317@http://www.rheumatoidarthritisguy.com/library/ <p>Robin, that's exciting! Let us know how it goes. </p> <p>I have a teeny tiny crush on one of my fellow Arthritis Society volunteers - he's my age, also has RA, and is very cute! The other attractive thing, of course, is that since he also has RA, there would be much less explaining to do. </p> http://www.rheumatoidarthritisguy.com/library/topic/marriagerelationships-ra#post-316 Wed, 16 Sep 2009 06:44:12 +0000 robin 316@http://www.rheumatoidarthritisguy.com/library/ <p>mikeymoo-<br /> i'm really happy for you!</p> <p>i have a date coming up. he works in my chiropractor's office (about the only place i would have a chance to meet people since i barely ever go out!) anyway, he knows i have arthritis because he sees my wrists and fingers and the JRA rash and he sees me hobbling sometimes, but he still asked me out! i don't think he realizes just how bad the RA is though. it will be interesting to see if it goes anywhere, and if it does, how soon "the talk" will have to happen. </p> http://www.rheumatoidarthritisguy.com/library/topic/work-ra#post-314 Fri, 11 Sep 2009 14:03:48 +0000 Helen 314@http://www.rheumatoidarthritisguy.com/library/ <p>My practical career goals have certainly changed with RA. Although arthritis itself is not new to me, working a 9-5 job definitely is. I was so used to being able, at least for the most part, to make up my own schedule in university and grad school. I was busy, but I could write papers and do research from my couch or even my bed if I wasn't feeling well. Now I'm stuck at a desk all day, even if I feel rotten. I now know three things: </p> <p>1. I would like to work for myself eventually;<br /> 2. I would like to have a career with a flexible schedule;<br /> and 3. I would probably like to work from home. </p> <p>I'm actually applying to law schools right now. My dream is to have a solo practice somewhere rural and quiet, and be able to work form home at least some of the time. I want to help families who are going through difficult times, and I think my health issues have helped make me more understanding of the hard times other go through. </p> http://www.rheumatoidarthritisguy.com/library/topic/work-ra#post-313 Sun, 06 Sep 2009 10:54:54 +0000 cateepoo 313@http://www.rheumatoidarthritisguy.com/library/ <p>As I took on another teaching assignment this semester, I have had to really think about how to balance RA and work. Unfortunately I had a flare-up the first two weeks which made work draining. I shared with my family that I needed to have down time in between and we may have to cut some activities for a while. Knowing that I have rest time coming up does help me mentally. </p> <p>Knowing how RA gives us many lessons to learn I am always interested in where it leads people with their work? Do they continue in the same job? Do they figure out something new about themselves because of RA and go in a new direction? I love my teaching job but often think that RA is leading me to a new place. I don't know where or what it is yet but I have a feeling it has something to do with energy healing. Have others felt driven to take a new direction in their work due to their RA experiences? </p>