Earlier today, I thought to myself “this never ends, does it?” (I can’t even count how many times I have asked myself this question in the past.) Usually, it’s right around this point when I start getting depressed. Feelings of failure once again enter my mind. “If I had only done this” or “if only I had not done that.”

Today, however, my response was different. I actually had an answer to my question. No, it doesn’t end. And ready or not, my rheumatoid arthritis is once again coming back. I can continue to fight against this, or I can get ready.

So I am getting ready, as best I can.

I had my “RA talk” with my students today. I always find it easier to explain things up front, should my crutches or cane once again come out of the corner, than have to respond to multiple inquiries regarding my drastic change in physical condition. After I finished explaining things, I looked around and saw each student had diligently copied all of my notes and sketches on the board into their notebook. (I always tell my students that anything I write on the board is fair game for a test or quiz.) I told them that they would not be tested on anything I had just covered.

I went to the gym this afternoon, and immediately cut my planned workout in half. My mind wanted to do much more than my body. In the past, my mind always won. Today, I stood up for my body.

And as I sit here at my desk, typing, I have a batch of paraffin wax melting nearby in an electric warmer. Although the wax dips do not provide any long-term relief, they do provide excellent momentary relief.

So yes, the pain is coming back, and the tears are once again falling. But I remind myself that things will be okay…and I keep moving forward.

Stay tuned…for the next adventure of Rheumatoid Arthritis Guy!

What used to be the present was now the past, and day by day “my life” became more and more distant. At a certain point, it became “my old life”. (Otherwise known as “my life before rheumatoid arthritis”.)

This was replaced by “my new life”. And what was “my new life”, you might ask? It was a world full of pain, disability, and depression. (This was definitely a case where newer did not mean better.) The more I struggled with my rheumatoid arthritis, the more my limitations seemed to grow and the less happy I became. It was a life in which my disease controlled everything. I was merely going along for the very unpleasant journey.

There was a solution, though — or so I thought. “If only I could do what I used to be able to do.” Then, everything would be better.

After a few years of constantly repeating the previous thought, I realized that something was not working. So, I came up with what I thought was a surefire solution: “I will go back to doing what I used to enjoy doing, as soon as my pain goes away.” (If you’ve already recognized the mistake in this sentence, give yourself an extra point!)

And after a few years of repeating version 2.0 of my mantra, I realized something new: the pain wasn’t going away. Like it or not, it was here to stay.

And I was suddenly confronted with an important decision. I could continue yearning for the life that I used to have…or, I could actually work on bringing it back. Sure, it wasn’t going to be exactly the same, as I would have to make some slight modifications here and there, but in its own certain way it would be new-and-improved.

I don’t remember precisely when, but sometime in the past two or three weeks I thought to myself “I have my life back”. As I had predicted, it’s not exactly my old life. It’s even better, though. It’s everything that I used to enjoy doing, combined with the new sense of self that has matured to include all aspects of my current life — even the rheumatoid arthritis.

It’s a world where I now know what a good “just push through it” is and a bad “just push through it” is. (Just one more of the continual contradictions that living with RA has bought into my life.) At the moment I can’t necessarily explain it in any more detail…it’s just something that feel.

During the past few days, I (finally) put my digital srl camera into manual mode, and climbed onto the roof of the oldest church in town to take photos. I took my longest walk in over a year. I listened to live music one night, and another night I went to a party to celebrate the coldest night of the year. I spent more time in the kitchen cooking. I went to a breakfast with my former yoga classmates…and the list goes on.

At the same time, I continued to deal with the symptoms of my rheumatoid arthritis. Just last night, my wrists flared all night long, waking me up at 2am and keeping my up until 5am. I got used to putting on my ankle braces every day. I worked really hard on trying to establish a more regular eating schedule, in order to assist my stomach as it adjusts to the increased doses of my medicines…and the list goes on.

My life is no longer something hiding in the past or waiting in the future. Once again, it’s in the present…and I am loving it, rheumatoid arthritis and all.

Stay tuned…for the next adventure of Rheumatoid Arthritis Guy!

Resilience in psychology is the positive capacity of people to cope with stress and catastrophe. It also includes the ability to bounce back to homeostasis after a disruption. Thirdly, it can be used to indicate having an adaptive system that uses exposure to stress to provide resistance to future negative events.

Wikipedia: Psychological Resilience

I have a feeling at the moment, that if I could bottle it, would be more valuable than gold. Yes, the worst of the flare from the past month does seem to have passed…but it is by no means completely gone. Just this past weekend, after sharing that things were looking up, I was once again beaten up. (I’m not even exaggerating – I was down for the count, and the punches just continued to land…and land…and land.)

I’m not exactly sure what this feeling is, but I think it has something to do with learning how to pick myself back up, time after time. It comes with the realization that when it comes to rheumatoid arthritis, the stumbles that I encounter along my journey are both unpredictable and – to put it quite frankly – unexplainable. Most of all, it comes with the ultimate acceptance that these stumbles are not my fault.

With this understanding, I am able to focus all of my thoughts and energies on the most important thing when I find myself down in the dumps, which is to pick myself back up. I do this with the knowledge that I have absolutely no idea when I will fall again – it could be in an hour, it could be in a week. What I do know is that whenever it happens, I will be ready to pick myself back up. This counts for a lot.

I never though I would say such a thing, but here goes:

The next imminent flare, always lurking around the corner, no longer scares me.

Stay tuned…for the next adventure of Rheumatoid Arthritis Guy!

When my body feels pain, I know that everything is okay.

What??? Okay, I know that the brain fog that results from chronic pain can sometimes send some really funky messages to my CPU, but my mind was as clear at the bright blue winter sky (High 60°, Low 29°) that surrounded the bus as it teetered along the edge of a deep ravine. (By the way, there is nothing like being a commuter in the Andes Mountains!)

My pain has always been a sign that something was wrong…how could it possibly become a sign that something was right?

{Pop-Up: Rheumatoid Arthritis Guy owns six pairs or shoes.}

And then it dawned on me. Yes, my immune system gets confused and attacks my own body. Yes, this causes (indescribable) levels of pain, and lots and lots of stiffness. Yes, from the point of view of a “normal” body, everything seems backwards and broken.

But from the point of view of my body, everything is working just as I have come to expect it to. My immune system gets confused and attacks my own body. This causes (indescribable) levels of pain, and lots and lots of stiffness.

When I feel the pain, I know that I am in my body.

{Pop-Up: Rheumatoid Arthritis Guy lives with chronic pain.}

I continue to familiarize myself with both my body and its pain.

While the pain itself hurts just as much (if not more!) than it used to, at least the idea of living with chronic pain is becoming a little more comforting and a little less painful…if such a thing can even be said.

Stay tuned…for the next adventure of Rheumatoid Arthritis Guy!

Finding peace and happiness despite the physical issues. Living with RA. Writing this blog. Ability to smile through it and enjoy the moments. Design. Living with RA all by myself. A woman learning to appreciate who she is, and much much more. Photography. Traveling the world. Ride off-road motorcycles. Living with RA-but not suffering from it. Putting a smile on people’s faces. Cooking. DRAMA MAMA. Approaching my health issues with a positive outlook. Enjoying one day at a time. Does not try to let RA stop her from joining in on everything that life throws at me. Informing the world of the wonders of homeschooling two children. Knowing what I can and can not do. More are added everyday as I realize what my mind and body are capable of! Organizing this league of superheroes. Fighting the evil forces of RA medication free. Trying to get my pre RA fitness back! Super Mom. Dealing with bent fingers. Running a home. Learning how to deal. I love my life, R.A. or not. I have a positive attitude & freely share it. Speaks Japanese. Baking cookies. Blogger wannabe. Making my life count for something more than RA, OA and being old. Staying chipper despite wanting to go back to bed. Super Daughter. Dispenser of ((((HUGS)))). Random thoughts. On this new quest to conquer RA. Supporting the work of contemporary artists in a capitalist world. Cheerleader. A wife (pretty amazing one too if you ask me). On a mission to control RA and not to let RA control me. Takes care of disabled husband. Tough broad that doesn’t let anything get her down! Baking. Loves to cook and to can Salsas. Encourager, cheerleader, shoulder to lean on for young people with arthritis and RA. Being a comic strip character. Writing a blog/column. Care, love & keep up with my husband who started this journey with me only a few months after we married. Stopping the painkillers before I get addicted. Mom of 2 (1 preteen boy and 1 teenage GIRL). Ability to always make my daughter laugh and smile despite what my body feels like. Nurse by profession, medical researcher by necessity. Counting my blessings and staying positive on this unexpected journey with many rocky roads and steep hills to climb. I can take super naps!! Recent subscriber of “Arthritis Today” which I thought was for “old” people. Super Hyper-Hyperactivity (can clean house, cook food, care for children all without succumbing to the dreaded Uber Fatigue). Writing a blog. We are survivors of many thing including ails and pains. Super Wife. ‘Multi media artist’ (ok, I have ADD…I do a little of this, a little of that…). Crafting. Mom to 2 grown boys and 3 felines. Staying Positive. Wonderful kids and grandkids! Blogging about the ups and downs of RA and alternative medicine among many other things. Good Listener. I live with and care for my autistic brother. Spreading the word about good blogs. Crochet. Independence is a state of mind, not a list of tasks to be completed. Being a dad of a 12, 6, and 5 y/o. I’m also glad to be an advocate and voice for people with invisible disease to people of my age group. Single mom of three superkids who manages to juggle soccer hockey baseball and golf schedules around flares, infusions and therapy. Wife of 26 years. More of my powers are realized each and every day. Super Strength (can amazingly hold 2 toddlers during a flare of Lupus and Fibro pain). Loving two puppies. Just trying to get my body back in fighting order so I can finish college. Supporting my 60 year old mum who has a brand new RA diagnosis. Continued service while working as a firefighter. Making it through each day with RA, Fibromyalgia, Grave’s Disease, and Sjogren’s syndrome while working full time. Loving life. It’s a challenge that is worth fighting! Gardener. Excellent wife and mom and learning to be an excellent nana. Student. Wife. Listener for the older crowd who have arthritis and RA. Writing. Always good for a few laughs. Losing weight, despite the Prednisolone. Knitting. Wife of 10 years (!). Spreading the word about my arch nemesis…the disease of Rheumatoid Arthritis! Raised a daughter. Living with RA and Fibro. I can make anyone laugh!! Cooks, cleans, shops, gardens, and is a freelance writer and editor. Patient. I love to sew and read books. CABG X6 survivor! Living a full, active, happy life with RA, scoliosis and cardiomyopathy. Lots of hugs to give. Swimmer (lapsed). Laughing at the absurd. Cheerleader. Mom to 2 dogs, 2 cats, an assorted bunch of fish and any stray that happens our way. Distraction. Mom of a fabulous daughter with Down Syndrome who will always live with me! Having a wonderful husband. Loves to explore new cities. Restoring order in the kingdom is the primary objective of my “job”– disabled stay at home mom/taxi driver…hehe. Knowledge is POWER! Traveler on the RA journey, meeting new superheroes every day. Husband of 40 years. Learning how to accept RA. Became Autoimmune Girl my freshman year of college and most recently leveled up to FM Girl. Wife to one full time construction worker/college student. Nurse (lapsed). Good mother. Musician. MOPS steering team. Concentrating on the many joys and blessings in my life. Have more hobbies than there are hours in the day. Taking care of our 5 pets and a husband! Good company. Mother of two grown children. Disabled nurse. Mother to my three boys. Balancing life after college, my new career, a boyfriend, friendships, and family – all while maintaining the millennial pace. Coupon shopping queen. Photography as a hobby & stress reliever. Dancer. Studying in the week. Managing pain through meditation. Open to trying every unconventional RA treatment under the sun. I work a 12 hour shift 4 days a week as a pressman (printing). Reffing roller derby when I can. 2 kiddies under 3 (who understand that sometimes Mumma can’t wrestle!) Working full time in sales & marketing. Running a home. I have a very large vegetable garden which brings me peace & self-worth. Work long hours in a warehouse pulling orders. Photography. Mother of three college age boys. I can read, write and speak Spanish. Owner of two titanium shoulders, with cadaver bone grafts, one fused wrist with metal rods, one foot with screws, the other foot-soon to be fused. Super Grandma. Homeschooling my kids. Daughter of Diabetes Gal and niece to her sister, RA/FM Gal. Accepting RA as a part of who I am. Workout 4 days a week. Supersonic hearing (Can hear any of her 3 children turn over in bed across a house). Care, love & keep up with my 2 Doberman Pinschers. Staying positive and happy is the best medicine! Working full-time as a nurse. I am a wanna be blogger and an ultimate crafter. Sabbath School teacher. Knitter. Being a good wife, friend and daughter! Working as much as I can. Mom of three boys. Living with RA. Cooking & baking. Being a PROUD military wife. Power four wheeler. Carrying on a semi-normal lifestyle while living with RA. Good enough mother and wife. Having a positive outlook on life. Multilingual. Good grandmother. Enjoy gardening, decorating and photography. Loving daughter. Working full time with children. Keeping my sidekick (hubby with fibro) on his toes. Mom to a 9 yr. old. Blogging. Momma to a wonderful furbaby. Living with ∞itis (RA, etc). Eternal student. Every superhero has a sidekick …right? My sidekick buddy that helps me is a Great Pyrenees with a mohawk named Frankie. Being a mom. Wonderful mom to 3 pom fur-kids. Take care of a 3.5 acre yard. Expert pinochle player. Great wife, mother, cook, clean, taxi driver, and fairy godmother. Keeping sane through a lot of uncertainty. Homeschool. Figuring which medical concoction works for now. Living with RA. Trying not to get fat. Gardening. Working full-time in the crazy hr/telecom world. Cat lover.  Camping. Kissing my lovely husband. Epidemiologist (lapsed). Worked full time as a journalist. Good cook. Going back to work in January…to be a great nurse again. Have a great sense of humor when it comes to most things. Working to support myself and being a student is hard but my will is strong. Mom of 8 great kids. Ability to make it through the tough times. Cooking. A-1 wife. Spent 20+ years as a nurse practitioner treating folks with R.A. Quilter. Regularly uprooting myself and moving around the world. I love to read, swim, cook, bake, and take care of my home. EFL Teacher (just started full-time work again after a couple of years off). Wife. Learning how to deal. RA advocate. Working 12 hour shifts in the ER on my feet for 13 hours. Worrying…lots of worrying.  Living with RA. Writing a blog. Living a God-centric lifestyle. Running a business from home. Great sense of humor. Continue the RA journey refusing to let it ruin my happy life. Licensed Ins Agent. Keeping track of 12 grandchildren. Working with service dog. Excellent wife. Blogging. Keeping sidekick (husband with heart problems and fibromyalgia) entertained. Disabled nurse. Mum to 3 year old girl and 8 month old boy. Living with RA away from home. Understanding kids. Making popcorn. Taking long drives with hubby. Fighting fatigue to keep going.  Refusing extra painkillers. Working my butt off and hopefully getting my phd. Dog walker (sometimes). Smiling in the face of adversity. Enjoying what I have. Taking care of family, husband and 2 daughters. Appreciates the gifts that the world offers each day to those who take the time to look. Trying to adjust to freelancing as a graphic designer and photographer. Working at Target. Running a small business full time. Educating people that disability is not something to be scared of! High tolerance toward pain. Mother of two active boys (10 & 8). Juggling a Uni degree with “aunty candi” duties and the prospect of joint replacement whilst keeping a smile on my face. Drawing. No human partner, but living with her 3 Superhero Cats (Spider, Lugosi & Ruby) who she finds tolerate her chronic illness so much better than any human that she has met. All sorts of needle-crafts. Getting up and going to work each day. Killing zombies. Loves music and photography. Living with (mild) RA. A law school graduate. Getting dressed, bathing and walking without assistance. My ability to mind surf as I can’t physically , YET. Being married. Embroidery. Toughing out life without medication so we can get preggers. Feeling pretty well and praying to stay that way. Full-time college student at a university. Photography. Educating people that not all people with Arthritis have Rheumatoid… ahem …anyways. Loving my husband. Pink Energy that allows me to go back to school. Work as a consultant. Continue walking on the beach. Spending quality time with my family. Using a supercool electric toothbrush, because a regular one hurts to hold. Positive Thinking. Feline & other animal communications. Works from home as a web & graphic designer. Defying stupid RA-beating suggestions from well-meaning friends with a single squawk. Surviving 2 hip replacements. Working full time. Into Goth/Metal/Rock music. Getting on with life. Painting. Sitting at home while my friends go out and party/shop/be normal, continue living my life when I just want to amputate my body from my head and put it on Jessica Alba’s body. Smiling through that Enbrel sting. Learning about myself through travel and introspection. Having a dead guy (cadaver bone) in my ‘boo boo’ arm. Would be <half> marathon walker. Hobby (and sometimes paid) photographer (has a couple of photography websites to show off her pictures). Living with RA. College Student. Fatigue fighting and staying healthy are two Superhero Powers that I need work on. Close relationships with several amazing doctors/friends! Writing my blog. Chilling with friends. Research, research and more research, saving the world one germ at a time (in the military). Employing Personal Assistants. Being just a little odd… being perpetually young at heart. Working as a waiter in the weekend with my colleague RA. Only taking otc drugs. Watcher of Star Trek, especially Voyager. Do talks about RA to medical students and generally try to raise awareness. Being married. Believing that I can. Making sure that everyone I know knows about RA and knows that WE can. Keeping weight on this body and running when my right foot will allow it! Mother of two gorgeous and brilliant children (boy – 13, girl – 12) and one 3 year old Yorkie who sits on my lap and comforts me on my bad days. Being. Abandoning walking stick…not knowing how long it’ll last.  Photography. Crochet. Working full time and being a waterman! Enjoying every single day as you never know what life will bring. Complete and utter geek lover of computers and video games. Working full time. Loving husband. Convincing NHS that I need anti-TNF therapy. Getting anti-TNF therapy and have it revolutionize my physical. I’m a teenager living life to the fullest; no matter what my disease sends my way. Artist and writer, even on days when my hands hurt almost too badly to pick up a pencil. Part-time feline management (three cats, one wonderful hubby who job-shares on the cat front). Living with RA (mild to moderate these days). Working for the Government. Cooking. Smiling, having fun and simply being fabulous…no matter what!! Big/little sister, and soon-to-be aunt. I’ve overcome my fear of needles with Enbrel. Raising awareness about all types of arthritis. Crafting. Being crazy I love to make folks laugh and smile as it’s a great medicine. Taking care of my family. Teaching. Having a bionic knee, hip, screws in feet, waiting on new shoulders and knuckles. Being a mom. Being a scientist. My cat Rosie. Start dancing again. Pouring from a gallon of milk, by using the edge of a table or countertop. Great sense of humour. Fighting fatigue. Getting out of bed in the AM. Taking one day at a time.

Do you want to add your own superhero powers to this list? You can do so by adding your name to the Superhero Wall Of Fame!

Stay tuned…for the next adventure of Rheumatoid Arthritis Guy!

“This is going to last a lifetime?”

This thought is always good for a few seconds (or minutes) of intense anxiety. When I frame my situation in these terms, it seems so impossible to deal with. So today, I decided to rewrite this thought. I turned it into “Sure, this will last a lifetime – but I only need to get through this moment. I have done so before, and I will continue to do so.”

As I continued to walk, I noticed that I was on the flat surface of the street and not on the neighboring concrete sidewalk. The small steps on each driveway curb were just too much for my ankles and knees to handle. Chances are, my crutches are going to come back out from the corner of the entryway to my house. (In the past I used to put them in a closet when they were not in use, but bringing them back out was that much more difficult.

“I feel like a failure.”

Okay, first of all, let me say that that I know that I am not a failure. But somehow, every time my crutches come back out of the closet/corner, I feel like I have failed. The fact that sometimes I cannot carry my own weight on my feet and legs – even though I completely understand the reason why – still feels like a shortcoming on my part.

I guess I’ll strike out that previous thought and replace it with “I will do what I need to do in order to take care of myself.” I’m still not completely convinced, though. Darn. I thought that I had finally worked through these feelings of failure.

Looking back at this moment of the day when all the above thoughts (and others) crossed my mind, I do recognize that I was able to remain calm. I experienced absolutely no feelings of anxiety or shortness of breath.

So instead of feeling bad about the reappearance of these thoughts, I think I’ll celebrate the fact that I was able to work through them the best I could.

Stay tuned…for the next adventure of Rheumatoid Arthritis Guy!

My wrists feel like they’ve been crushed under a huge boulder. The searing sensation in my ankles continues to grow. My left knee is pulsating in pain…five seconds on, five seconds off.

Only as recently as last week did I finally realize how much I really dreaded this time of day. As I look back on last winter, I now understand how much my pain – both emotional and physical – often spiked during this time of the day. When I signed up for an evening language course at a local university a few months ago, some of my worst moments often coincided with the beginning of class, which started at 6:15 pm.

So I’ve decided to make this time of day something to look forward to. Within the past few days, I have gone to a coffee shop, gone to happy hour, or specified an activity to start precisely at this time. The pain is still there, sure, but life goes on.

For all too long, 6:00 pm has been a bad hour for me. I’m convinced, however, that I can make it into a good hour for me.

So far, I’m having good results.

Stay tuned…for the next adventure of Rheumatoid Arthritis Guy!

Rheumatoid Arthritis Guy Saves The World!
April 24, 2009

Okay, so maybe I didn’t save the world – yet. But I did launch this blog, and on a Friday afternoon no less. Now I can kick back and relax over the weekend. I’ll go back to saving the world on Monday.

The idea to start my own blog has been simmering around in my head for a while, but upon hearing for the third time in a month “Why don’t you start your own blog?” I finally decided to give it a go.  I put aside my self-paced iPhone application development training (and corresponding new MacBook Air – what a lovely thing) and jumped into the world of Adobe Illustrator (illustrations on the right) and WordPress (blog publishing software, for those who are not familiar).

I hope to have fun sharing adventures of my journey through chronic pain and debilitating inflammation.  My rheumatoid arthritis has undergone a major progression during the past few months, and I need to turn my daily routine of putting on and taking off my wrist guards and ankle protectors into something fun.  Hence, Rheumatoid Arthritis Guy and his tungsten wrist guards and titanium ankle protectors.

And yes, I really do still have a full head of hair.  Although two weeks ago I started taking Arava for my rheumatoid arthritis, and one of the most common side effects of this drug seems to be hair loss.  Here’s hoping that I don’t become follically challenged.  (Although I guess being able to comfortably lift a brush is more important than having a full head of hair – darn those wrists!)

So welcome to my world and welcome to my blog.  Don’t be shy – I would love to hear from you.

Stay tuned…for the next adventure of Rheumatoid Arthritis Guy!

What a year it has been! I no longer feel like I am the only person in the world living with rheumatoid arthritis. (Yes, I actually used to feel like that – for years.) I have learned that accepting chronic pain does not mean that I have to give up the things I love doing. I have stopped pushing myself to far, and have realized that by doing less I can actually do more.

I have gone from spending a most of my day in bed (depressed), to spending a majority of my time teaching, learning, socializing, reading, and moving around. (I started teaching my second class at the university where I recently started working, and a third class is coming up soon.)

My RA is still there and I am reminded of it each and every day…it no longer instills the sense of fear that it once did. I am managing it, and not letting it manage me.

To those readers who have followed my adventures since the beginning, thanks for all of the encouragement and support that you have provided along the way. For those readers who only recently stumbled across this blog, I’m glad you found us!

Oh, and if you’re wondering about my hair – I did lose quite a bit of it after being on Arava for a few months, but once we lowered the dosage everything grew back in.

Stay tuned…for the next adventure of Rheumatoid Arthritis Guy!

It all started when I was in high school, and went to live in Northern Italy as a foreign exchange student. The city that I lived in, Bergamo, was literally on the spot where the plains of Lombardy gave way to the foothills of the Alps. This city was even divided into two: the “upper city” and the “lower city”. As fall and winter arrived, I began to know what it was like to live with trees other than mesquites and palms. The air seemed to get colder almost by the day. My afternoon walks to the upper city – with the obligatory (and fun!) funicular ride – revealed more and more snow on the Alps; mountains that seemed to form almost a solid wall to the north of the city.

A year later, I was a college freshman in New York City. Never having lived through a NY winter, I foolishly signed up for an 8am Intermediate Swimming class. (Yes, we actually had to take two semester of physical education and pass a swimming exam at Columbia.) I was less than a month into the semester when I was already regretting my decision – as the leaves were falling, my wet hair would actually begin to form ice crystals as I ran across campus for my 9am Art Humanities class.

As the snow started to fall in December and January, I absolutely loved it! In addition to snowball fights in the quad, there was the happiness of walking through Central Park and the rest of the city covered in snow. I once even went to the top of the Empire State Building while the city was completely white.

Graduate school took me even further north, up to Boston. Even though the distance from New York City was not too great, I quickly begin to understand why the weather maps usually showed about 10 temperature bands compressed in the Northeast. I experienced one of the winters with the most snowfall on record, and experienced it firsthand when I had to walk 10 blocks to school. (Every college in the city canceled always seemed to cancel classes, except for Harvard.)

But I continued to love the cold weather. So much so that when I moved to San Francisco after finishing my studies, I missed winter. (Although foggy summer days sometimes seemed to make up for that!) There was still the crisp days of autumn, when the sun shined brightly and when every coffee shop began to serve their pumpkin flavored concoctions. Butternut squash were plenty, and my (one dog at the time) had to put on her sweater each time we went out for a walk.

I was in my late 20’s though, and for some reason my joints started to hurt – especially my feet and my knees. I joked with people about the fact that I was probably getting arthritis since I was getting old. I did not even know about the existence of rheumatoid arthritis, and had even less of a clue that I would be diagnosed with it only a handful of years later.

I was diagnosed soon after moving to South America, where I still currently reside. Some people think that living south of the equator is equivalent to warm temperatures. (Actually, that’s what I myself used to think.) I now know otherwise. Living at 4,000+ meters, when the sun goes down, you know it! Buildings here do not use central heating, so one must get used to layering clothes, sitting in the sun (which I did yesterday for half an hour), and using a space heater smartly and sparingly (even though most aspects of the cost of living are much less than in the U.S., electricity prices are almost the same).

So when I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis a few years ago, and when I realized that cold weather made my symptoms worse, I began to hate cold weather. I wanted to have nothing to do with winter, and even began to consider spending those months in the northern hemisphere (where it’s summertime!). I told myself that I had to learn how to live with the cold, but once I was in the second month of winter I was kicking myself for not having escaped to the warmth.

But this year, as the temperatures once again continue to drop, I am changing my attitude. Sure, the next few months will probably bring more pain and stiffness than I have experienced in a while – just asked my wrists, who kept me up late last night because they were in so much pain. But the next few months will also bring some nice things that I can’t experience the rest of the year…like the smell of a wood chimney burning, or experiencing the brisk air on a sunny afternoon, or warming up with a cup of coffee or tea as I read in the evening.

As with many other aspects of living with rheumatoid arthritis, while some things may be bad at times, it’s usually not the case that all things are bad. As I move into winter, I’m going to keep reminding myself of this thought. As my body is once again reacting to the cold weather, I will continue to focus on the good.

And maybe, in a few months, I’ll be able to finally move “Living with RA and cold weather” from my denial column over to my acceptance column.

Stay tuned…for the next adventure of Rheumatoid Arthritis Guy!

As I started making changes during this time, I wanted results immediately. If not within minutes, then within hours. Waiting days for a medicine or the results of a physical therapy session to kick in seemed way too long. Before I knew it, I had established a new routine of doctors visits, therapy sessions, and physical therapy treatments that took place week after week. Months passed, and I was still not completely satisfied with the results.

A year has since passed. Am I satisfied with the results? Absolutely. And looking back, the one thing that sticks out is how much change and improvement there was in my overall being each and every day over the last year, even if I did not see it at the time.

Where will I be one year from now? Living with a chronic illness, I used to be frightened to look that far into the future. Now, I am one again looking forward to the future – whatever it may bring.

Here are some of the first words that I wrote a year ago today.

April 1, 2009

Morning: My entire body ached when I woke up this morning.  This was not the intense, pulsating pain that I typically have in my joints.  Instead, this was the “day after” general soreness pain. It has been about two days since my last bout if intense pain.  Maybe my pain threshold has lowered and allowed me to feel this soreness? My energy levels are almost empty. My ankles are stiff; I do some gentle ankle rotations as I spend most of the morning in pain.

Day: My ankles are pulsating in intense pain.  I am at my desk reading the first chapter on a book on object oriented programming. Initially it is a struggle to focus on my reading, as my attention continues to drift to my ankles.  I continue my reading, taking notes on some complex new concepts.  The more I get into the reading the less I notice the pain in my ankles.  When I finish there is still considerable pain in my ankles, but it eventually subsides about an hour later. This time span is typical for these episodes.

Night: Since I did not go to yoga class in the morning, I do a session of yoga at home during the evening. I am eager to do some upper arm and upper body poses, including inversions. I am a little hesitant – these poses place a lot of pressure on my wrists. I do my routine anyway, and am pleasantly surprised that later on I experience only slight pain in my elbows. I listen to meditative music before I fall asleep, hoping that the pain of the two previous nights does not return.

Stay tuned…for the next adventure of Rheumatoid Arthritis Guy!