Artistic Dreams

ArcimboldoRheumatoid Arthritis Guy’s hand are being attacked like never before.

This morning, I was not able to get out of bed until around 11:00 am. Even at that, the only thing that got me moving was knowing that if I wanted to get a Diclofenac injection today, I needed to be at the clinic by noon. My hands were the most swollen that they have ever been, and the skin was bright red. Normally, the right hand has always hurt more than the left hand…but not now – they are both hurting equally.

At the moment I am post-injection, doing a tad bit better (at least I am typing…yesterday in class I reached a point where I could not even hold my Dr. Grips pen), even though I know that I really won’t see results from the Diclofenac for another two or three days. I have something to look forward to, though, if my hands do indeed continue to worsen in the next 48 hours.

Two night ago I woke up in the middle of the night with a moment of panic. I had seen an image of myself where my body was rotting away like fruit. This dream startled me, and I woke up right away. Before my anxiety got any worse, I started focusing on my breath, and before I knew it I was back asleep.

Last night, I had a dream that I was organizing an art exhibition in one of the large old-style houses that are still found where I live – tall ceilings and hardwood floors. In my dream, I was having a blast as I connected the architectural space to the stories that were being told in the paintings. It was a very pleasant dream, and I have continued to think about is since I’ve been awake.

This morning I needed help taking a bath and getting dressed. I’ve needed help before, but not quite like today. For a while, I almost had no use of my hands. I was bathed and towel dried. I was helped to groom myself, and finally helped to dress myself.

So yes, maybe my body is moving in a direction opposite than what I wish would be the case. I do, however, continue to maintain control of my mind and my dreams, and I know that this will carry me far.

Stay tuned…for the next adventure of Rheumatoid Arthritis Guy!

5 Comments
5 comments
  1. Millicent says:

    Sometimes things are darkest before the dawn, so hopefully this is the worst that it will be for a while & you can look forward to better days. I hope so. That 2nd dream sounds like a wonderful future project for you!

  2. Wren says:

    You always surprise me with your resilience in the face of this painful, limiting and sometimes humiliating disease. Many times in the past my hands were so bad that I needed help with basically everything; it is truly humbling to find oneself so totally reliant on others. And frightening, too.

    Your strong and hopeful attitude (and the attitudes of the other bloggers and commenters here) give me so much hope, RA Guy. When the rheuma came back after such a long, long remission I’ll admit I was devastated inside. I didn’t say much to anyone, but I was anxious. I still am — but less so than I might have been, had I not come across your blog.

    Thank you for that. I hope that this awful flare in your hands will ease off very soon. And I’m sending all the courage and calm I can muster through the ether in your direction. Take care, friend.

  3. Lana says:

    Anxiety doesn’t help us, and I have had my own scary (and often crippling) RA dreams. There will be always be bad days, you are not alone. In addition to people who understand your struggles, there are those who may not, but love you matter what. I have to remind myself on my bad days and sometimes, you can be hard as I watch my life change and it is out of my control – but I remind myself how blessed I am. You are blessed too, don’t doubt it.

  4. cateepoo says:

    Maybe the extra stress of preparing for visitors is taking a toll on your body. I notice even the fun stress can make me sore. Relax and let everyone take good care of you. Sending healing thoughts.

  5. leslie says:

    so sorry you having a rough time….maybe its time to change meds again? Are you on prednisone? Maybe a high dose of prednisone for a couple of days and then taper down will help. Hope you feel better soon.

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