Refusing to ask for help when you need it is refusing someone the chance to be helpful. – Ric Ocasek, musician
Asking for help is a touchy subject for Rheumatoid Arthritis Guy. It’s not that I don’t know how to ask for help. Living with rheumatoid arthritis for the past few years has without a doubt shown me that there are some things that are not as easy to do as they used to be.
For me, the difficult part about asking for help is the fear that I may get too dependent upon this support. But, I know that the mere fact that I am aware of this issue is probably the best thing I have going for me, in terms of preventing myself from developing any unhealthy dependencies.
There is always that little voice in the back of my head. “Do it yourself, don’t ask for help.” I must admit, what I am hearing at times is also the voice of others. More than once, I have been told that I should try to do everything on myself without asking for help – no matter what the cost.
Well you know what? I have figured out that sometimes the best thing for me to do at times is to ask for help. I have also learned that while I may indeed be able to do something myself, doing so may actually bring me more pain and cause more harm.
Yesterday, I asked for help in getting dressed. I got out of the bathtub – doing so was slightly more difficult than usual, but my secret twists combined with the built-in grab bars got me back on my feet. I sat on a tall stool as I brushed my teeth and shaved. It was time to get dressed when, out of seeming nowhere, my hands decided to once again go on one of their inflammation-fests. (It’s a good thing it wasn’t a rave, that would have lasted all night.)
As I walked back to my bedroom, I told myself that I had three choices.
The first option was to get dressed right then and there, no matter what the final cost to me was going to be.
The second option was to get in bed under to covers, and wait in bed for the worst to pass – which could be up to an hour. Trust me, I have done this many times in the past…but with lunch waiting to be served, this wasn’t necessarily the best option.
The third option was to ask for help.
I chose door #3.
And within ten minutes, I had all of my braces on, I was fully dressed, and I was sitting at the dining table eating my lunch. (And I was in a slightly sour mood…but it passed soon enough.)
I am glad that I asked for help. When my fingers and wrists get to the point where they were at yesterday, even pulling apart Velcro is painful. (A lot of my braces have Velcro straps.) Sliding elastic bands onto my elbows exerts too much pressure. Come to think of it, even my physical therapist once told me to please ask for help and to not over-exert my hands when they were in such a state.
Asking for help is an interesting topic. I think there is this overwhelming belief in our society that we should be as independent as possible and not ask for help. If we stop and look at things, we ask for help all the time in so many different ways – whether we want to admit it or not.
I visit my psychologist once a week in order to focus on cognitive therapy skills. In a way, I am asking for and receiving help.
I visit my rheumatologist once a week in order to review my disease progression/regression, medicines, and lab tests. In a way, I asking for and receiving help.
But if I need to ask for help in tying my shoelaces or cutting my food, I should feel ashamed? I used to think so, but now I know this should not be the case. I am in a time where my needs are different. At any given moment without rheumatoid arthritis, doing these items would be a breeze. When I am dealing with the symptoms of my illness, they turn into some of the biggest challenges that I encounter. So why not ask for help?
Just as drinking a beer every now and then does not make me an alcoholic, neither does asking for help around the house every now and then make me dependent upon other people.
Only I know when I really need a helping hand. When I reach this point, I will ask for help – without feeling ashamed. I deserve nothing less.
Stay tuned…for the next adventure of Rheumatoid Arthritis Guy!