Last night at around one in the morning, as I was trying to fall asleep, a major flare presented itself. My anxiety was high and I was on the verge of tears. I decided not to cry – not because I’m ashamed of crying, but because I didn’t want my anxiety to get any worse than it already was. I instead started to focus on taking some deep breaths, and things seemed to get better.
As I started falling asleep, finally, I told myself: “I hope that I don’t have much pain tomorrow, and I hope that my mobility is not compromised.” Feelings of anxiety started to creep back – even though I was hoping for the best, I knew that chances were more than likely that I would have pain and that I would have problems with my hands and my feet the following day. (I did.)
So I amended my original statement, and ended up with: “I hope that I don’t have much pain tomorrow, and I hope that my mobility is not compromised – but if I experience either of these two things tomorrow, I know that I have the strength to get through them, and that I will continue to do the best to take care of myself.”
Just before I dozed off, I thought to myself that this would make a great resolution for the new year.
So for 2010, I would like to wish all of us living with rheumatoid arthritis the best of health, the smallest amount of pain, and the lowest levels of disability. But if pain and disability do decide to present themselves, I wish all of us the physical strength and the emotional peace of mind to cope with these symptoms to the best of our abilities, so that we may continue to grow both individually and as a community.
Cheers and Happy New Year 2010!
Stay tuned…for the next adventure of Rheumatoid Arthritis Guy!