Mind Over Matter

mind-over-matter-larsonThis is my new mantra at the moment, as my rheumatoid arthritis once again spins out of control. My body feels like mush, and my thoughts are getting a little soft around the edges. (Oh, how I had forgotten these feelings of confusion…just when things seem to clear up a bit, the roller coaster ride is once again only just beginning.)

It’s been a few days (okay, probably longer than that) since I’ve been one step ahead of my RA. Sometimes if feels like a marathon…you just gotta keep on moving forward, because once you fall behind things only get that much more difficult. (Exponentially, it sometimes seems.) But yes, my RA has stepped out ahead of me. When this happens, I just want to curl up in a ball and not move at all…but I know that I have to keep on moving forward…

Crying. Pain. Laughter. Anger. It’s like a game of emotional roulette. Even here, though, I do see some improvements from the last time I sat down at this table in the RA casino. Mainly, “fear” is no longer a major presence. Things are still difficult, mind you, but I must admit that they are just a tad bit easier when fear is not lurking behind every corner.

And while my laughter is currently not the full-bodied, wide-Chesire grin type, I am doing my best to make it at least somewhat present in my life.

Come to think of it, it’s the thin-lipped, grumbling Beavis and Butthead semi-laughter at the moment. Annoying, I know. But as Beavis would say, “this sucks dude!”

And I keep on chuckling the best I can.

Stay tuned…for the next adventure of Rheumatoid Arthritis Guy!

10 Comments
10 comments
  1. dandy_candi says:

    It must be this time of year in the southern hemisphere as I am feeling like I am spiralling out of control also.
    But like you said, you just have to keep moving forward, even if that means a sick day from work, a sleep in and a long bath or stopping for a coffee or cup of tea.
    Whatever you can to get you through you can do it.

  2. ann marie says:

    I’ve done a lot of spiritual “work” (and i only use the quotes because the word isn’t generally used in this way – not because it isn’t work- hard work), particularly over the last four years. Feeling very discouraged one day recently, i thought “My god, this work is difficult. And what’s changed?” What came to me was the realization of how much my fear level has gone down. Physically i would say i feel worse than i ever have (generally), but minus the anxiety that once seemed chained to the illness, flares really are a whole different beast to deal with. Gentler. Smaller. And this feels like a miracle.

    It’s incredibly challenging to deal with a long-term illness, what with going through the grieving process again and again with each transition, but i find the faster i’m able to acknowledge what’s happening and accommodate what my body seems to be asking for (again: NOT easy!), the better everything flows: i don’t do into anxiety. i recover quicker. Things don’t feel so overwhelming.

    I was wondering: do you know why you are less scared?

    Love to you during your low. Don’t forget: coping with the hard times gracefully is crafting us into brighter and clearer and stronger and more beautiful beings.

  3. Lana says:

    I know what you mean about the marathon. I have those days too and the days where RA seems to be winning and I am merely trailing behind are the worst of it. It is really depressing so hang in there, better days are always ahead. Hope you feel better soon.

  4. Terry says:

    Must be going around, I know of 3 others struggling right now also. Hang in there, hope you get to feeling semi-normal soon.
    On an off note, I am going to change meds, the Orencia is just not working for me.

  5. RA Guy says:

    Thanks for all of the kind comments support – they really help, especially during tough times like these.

    Ann Marie, I’m not exactly sure why I feel less scared, but I think it comes from the gradual realization over the past years that these feelings of being scared/anxiety/losing control don’t help much, especially during times like there. So I think I’ve just stopped thinking this way, and instead try to focus both on what is within my control, and on my familiarity in dealing with these flares.

    Terry, hope the new meds work…sorry to help that the Orencia is not working.

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