This is my new mantra at the moment, as my rheumatoid arthritis once again spins out of control. My body feels like mush, and my thoughts are getting a little soft around the edges. (Oh, how I had forgotten these feelings of confusion…just when things seem to clear up a bit, the roller coaster ride is once again only just beginning.)
It’s been a few days (okay, probably longer than that) since I’ve been one step ahead of my RA. Sometimes if feels like a marathon…you just gotta keep on moving forward, because once you fall behind things only get that much more difficult. (Exponentially, it sometimes seems.) But yes, my RA has stepped out ahead of me. When this happens, I just want to curl up in a ball and not move at all…but I know that I have to keep on moving forward…
Crying. Pain. Laughter. Anger. It’s like a game of emotional roulette. Even here, though, I do see some improvements from the last time I sat down at this table in the RA casino. Mainly, “fear” is no longer a major presence. Things are still difficult, mind you, but I must admit that they are just a tad bit easier when fear is not lurking behind every corner.
And while my laughter is currently not the full-bodied, wide-Chesire grin type, I am doing my best to make it at least somewhat present in my life.
Come to think of it, it’s the thin-lipped, grumbling Beavis and Butthead semi-laughter at the moment. Annoying, I know. But as Beavis would say, “this sucks dude!”
And I keep on chuckling the best I can.
Stay tuned…for the next adventure of Rheumatoid Arthritis Guy!