A few days ago, I experienced another one of my really bad flares. As my sensory inputs started to fade away and the pain took over, I thought to myself: How will I ever be able to describe to someone what this feels like? And then something interesting happened. I heard a voice asking me: Can you describe what it looks like?
All of a sudden, I started to experience one of my flares in a completely new way. Sure, it was just as painful as every other flare that has come before–but for the first time ever, during the most painful of all moments, I was finally able to focus on something other than just the pain.
As the flare subsided, what stayed in my mind was a variety of fascinating visual images. (Much better than the usual memories of pain.)
Just a couple of hours ago I experienced another flare. Once I was able to move again, instead of shedding tears, I decided to sit down in front of my computer and capture some of my visual memories from this flare. Here are the results:
I wonder, what will my next flare look like?
Stay tuned…for the next adventure of Rheumatoid Arthritis Guy!
I haven’t said hello for awhile. How is everything in your world?
Mine is like little fires, some burning steady, some flaring up. But I am lucky, lately the fires are barely smoldering, some are cold.
I read this last night and was reminded of the song “obsession” by Animotion from the 80′s (which is now stuck in my head)
The lyrics are below…RA could be singing it to us.
Animotion
Miscellaneous
Obsession
You are an obsession
I cannot sleep
I am your possession
Unopened at your feet
There’s no balance
No equality
Be still I will not accept defeat
I will have you
Yes, I will have you
I will find a way and I will have you
Like a butterfly
A wild butterly
I will collect you and capture you
CHORUS:
You are an obsession
You’re my obsession
Who do you want me to be
To make you sleep with me
You are an obsession
You’re my obsession
Who do you want me to be
To make you sleep with me
I feed you I drink you
My day and my night
I need you I need you
By sun or candlelight
You protest
You want to leave
Stay
Oh, there’s no alternative
Your face appears again
I see the beauty there
But I see danger
Stranger beware
A circumstance
In your naked dreams
Your affection is not what it seems
CHORUS
My fantasy has turned to madness
And all my goodness
Has turned to badness
My need to possess you
Has consumed my soul
My life is trembling
I have no control
I will have you
Yes, I will have you
I will find a way and I will have you
Like a butterfly
A wild butterly
I will collect you and capture you
CHORUS
that’s a really, really cool idea! Aside from giving you the ability to communicate what it feels like to live inside pain, that image made it beautiful. Maybe you should start up an etsy shop and sell images of pain? Might as well make money from it…
In the last several years, I started referring to pain as having decibels. Describing it by using sound metaphors was surprisingly useful.
Flare ups are hard to describe but confusion and frustration are definitely part of that description. For everyone, it is different. There are times where I keep going and pushing despite the flare. Other times, I hide under my covers and cry. And other times, I am in a crabby mood. No flare feels like the past one for sure. I think experience teaches us to find solace especially when we make a choice to keep moving or functioning despite our flares.
Love your site, thanks!
MissDazey, it’s good to hear from you – hope you’ve been doing well. I’m on winter break down here…sitting in the high-altitude sun during the day, and bundling up during the cold nights. Overall my RA is behaving, but it continues to thrown a few tantrums here and there!
hang in there, my dear! Our pain will go away! :*)
RA Guy:
Thank you, and thank you, and thank you! I feel like I’m often lacking humour and grace; reading your blog (and especially the easy/hard comics on the right) bring some of that back for me.
So, for you: http://cupsquietlybeingfilled.wordpress.com/2010/07/13/you-like-me-you-really-like-me.