Butterflies

A few days ago, I experienced another one of my really bad flares. As my sensory inputs started to fade away and the pain took over, I thought to myself: How will I ever be able to describe to someone what this feels like? And then something interesting happened. I heard a voice asking me: Can you describe what it looks like?

All of a sudden, I started to experience one of my flares in a completely new way. Sure, it was just as painful as every other flare that has come before–but for the first time ever, during the most painful of all moments, I was finally able to focus on something other than just the pain.

As the flare subsided, what stayed in my mind was a variety of fascinating visual images. (Much better than the usual memories of pain.)

Just a couple of hours ago I experienced another flare. Once I was able to move again, instead of shedding tears, I decided to sit down in front of my computer and capture some of my visual memories from this flare. Here are the results:

Butterflies

I wonder, what will my next flare look like?

Stay tuned…for the next adventure of Rheumatoid Arthritis Guy!

9 Comments
9 comments
  1. Joan says:

    Mine is like little fires, some burning steady, some flaring up. But I am lucky, lately the fires are barely smoldering, some are cold.

  2. Laurie says:

    I read this last night and was reminded of the song “obsession” by Animotion from the 80′s (which is now stuck in my head)
    The lyrics are below…RA could be singing it to us.

    Animotion
    Miscellaneous
    Obsession

    You are an obsession
    I cannot sleep
    I am your possession
    Unopened at your feet
    There’s no balance
    No equality
    Be still I will not accept defeat

    I will have you
    Yes, I will have you
    I will find a way and I will have you
    Like a butterfly
    A wild butterly
    I will collect you and capture you

    CHORUS:
    You are an obsession
    You’re my obsession
    Who do you want me to be
    To make you sleep with me
    You are an obsession
    You’re my obsession
    Who do you want me to be
    To make you sleep with me

    I feed you I drink you
    My day and my night
    I need you I need you
    By sun or candlelight

    You protest
    You want to leave
    Stay
    Oh, there’s no alternative

    Your face appears again
    I see the beauty there
    But I see danger
    Stranger beware
    A circumstance
    In your naked dreams
    Your affection is not what it seems

    CHORUS

    My fantasy has turned to madness
    And all my goodness
    Has turned to badness
    My need to possess you
    Has consumed my soul
    My life is trembling
    I have no control

    I will have you
    Yes, I will have you
    I will find a way and I will have you
    Like a butterfly
    A wild butterly
    I will collect you and capture you

    CHORUS

  3. Lene says:

    that’s a really, really cool idea! Aside from giving you the ability to communicate what it feels like to live inside pain, that image made it beautiful. Maybe you should start up an etsy shop and sell images of pain? Might as well make money from it… ;)

    In the last several years, I started referring to pain as having decibels. Describing it by using sound metaphors was surprisingly useful.

  4. Lana says:

    Flare ups are hard to describe but confusion and frustration are definitely part of that description. For everyone, it is different. There are times where I keep going and pushing despite the flare. Other times, I hide under my covers and cry. And other times, I am in a crabby mood. No flare feels like the past one for sure. I think experience teaches us to find solace especially when we make a choice to keep moving or functioning despite our flares.

  5. RA Guy says:

    MissDazey, it’s good to hear from you – hope you’ve been doing well. I’m on winter break down here…sitting in the high-altitude sun during the day, and bundling up during the cold nights. Overall my RA is behaving, but it continues to thrown a few tantrums here and there!

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