“…Shortly after getting up on Sunday and having nothing left in me to do anything, the lightbulb went off. It was so bright that I’m sure scientists are currently studying satellite photos of Toronto trying to figure out what that flash was. I realized that this is what usually happens when I get sick. The “just one more week” syndrome. The part where I make myself work like a demon for five days, believing that I just have to get X, Y and Z done and then I can take a week off. And then a nanosecond after I cross off the last item on The List, I get sick and lose the next two weeks or more.
I realized that I was a juggler who had added one too many balls, desperately trying to keep control. Yelling “I’ve got it, I’ve got it!” while everything is crashing down around me, I very clearly don’t have anything other than a raging case of exhaustion and an overinflated idea of my own capabilities.
I’m starting to think that despite 30 years of having a disability, I’m still in denial about the reality of having a disability.”