Comfortably Numb


When I was a child I had a fever
My hands felt just like
Two balloons
Now I’ve got that feeling once again
I can’t explain
You would not understand
This is not how I am

I…Have become comfortably numb

The other day I woke up during the middle of the night, and was surprised to find most of my pain was gone. As I turned over in bed, however, I quickly realized what was going on. I was actually experiencing quite a bit of pain…so much pain, in fact, that most of my body had gone numb.

I continued to lay there, all the while thinking about how amazing it was that my brain was so overloaded from all of the pain signals that my nerves were sending, that these signals barely even registered any longer. It appeared to be my body’s (or at least my brain’s) secret defense mechanism for dealing with these unimaginable levels of pain.

Once, I actually received some first-degree burns during physical therapy. Hot compresses had been wrapped around my hands and wrists to help decrease the inflammation. When they were removed we noticed bright red marks around my wrists, which ended up lasting for days. My hands were so inflamed, and were in so much pain, that I wasn’t even able to recognize that they were being burned by the heat.

I’m once again at a point, at three o’clock in the afternoon, where most of my body is numb. It’s an odd sensation, knowing that my body is there, but not being able to feel it all. Knowing that the pain is there, but not being able to feel all it all. These feelings used to make me freak out, and used to make my mind race out of control.

Now, I just take some solace in the fact the even though the pain is really bad, this natural numbness makes it just a little more bearable.

Stay tuned…for the next adventure of Rheumatoid Arthritis Guy.

4 Comments
4 comments
  1. Lisa H says:

    Well now you’ve just answered my question that I was saving for my next neurologist appointment! That was exactly what I was wondering: if it was possible that my numbness is actually an overwhelmed-by-pain response rather than anything else, as we’ve tested so much and found so little. Thanks for posting about this, RA Guy!

  2. fridawrites says:

    You have entered the space I call “transcendental pain.” It’s like you’re above it or outside it somehow, detached from it. And yet it’s worse than anything.

  3. Deb aka abcsofra says:

    I gave birth to two children and both naturally with no pain meds at all. I will say that with ra when I was rushed to the er…I requested for a morphine drip and got it. RA pain can be off the charts. I keep hoping and hoping that you get some relief RA guy. It breaks my heart to know you are having so much pain these past months in particular.

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