The Seated View: Real RA The Great Pretender

This blog post really struck close to home, especially since a week ago–the night before I took off on my extended trip here to the U.S.–I wrote the following to a friend:

“Honestly I’ve been even more of an emotional mess than I let on in my previous email, and have only been projecting that I’m doing well–it’s the only thing that’s been keeping me moving forward. But now it’s time for both my body and my mind to get back to where they need to be. I have no doubt that a lot of good will come from this trip.”

People with RA lie all the time.

How are you? 
Fine. You?

How’s the pain today?
Not bad.

Are you worried?
Not at all. I’m sure everything will be OK.

It’s a necessity of life with this damn disease. If you’re honest, not only will your friends and family start avoiding you, but you’ll start to bore yourself, too. There’s only so much unrelenting crap anyone can deal with before it gets old and miserable and you want to run screaming for the hills. But when you live inside the crap, there’s no way to run.

And so you lie.

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Fortunately, admitting and accepting those words that I wrote–as well as successfully completing my long international travel day–have gone a long way in terms of getting me back on the right path.

  1. Peggy says:

    My word, this spoke volumes to me. I understand. There are days when I just want to lie down and cry all day. But I keep going on. I only hope one day I feel as well as I tell everyone else that I do.

  2. Christina says:

    It’s the truth.

    You feel awful because you feel like you should never say what’s really going on with you. Because they either don’t believe you, or they get uncomfortable with the subject and shy away. And so you begin to tell them lies and tell yourself lies, and find that you’re believing them yourself. Even when they’re not true.

    For me it gets especially confusing, because if I am not 100% honest with myself, I find it difficult to be 100% honest with my doctors as well, and so nothing ever changes because I’m never honest.

    Not being honest causes more problems, I think, than being honest does. At some point people are going to have to stop tiptoeing around us. If we continue to tip toe around others, awareness of this disease and what it can do is just going to stay in the back pocket. Because we will end up being so concerned about what others think, that we’ve done ourselves a great injustice. That change that we desire to see, that awareness…will never come because we spend so much time lying to others and to ourselves, just to make it comfortable and “okay”.

  3. Michelle says:

    Lol. This is all too true! I have not had a chance to read many of the older entries to your impressive blog, but I am interested in what medications and actions you have taken to combat your RA. I’m 27 and was diagnosed with RA 3 years ago. Some days, when certain meds or God intervene, I’m perfectly fine… Others, well you know…it’s a battle to even walk, move, or get out of bed.

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