This blog post really struck close to home, especially since a week ago–the night before I took off on my extended trip here to the U.S.–I wrote the following to a friend:
“Honestly I’ve been even more of an emotional mess than I let on in my previous email, and have only been projecting that I’m doing well–it’s the only thing that’s been keeping me moving forward. But now it’s time for both my body and my mind to get back to where they need to be. I have no doubt that a lot of good will come from this trip.”
People with RA lie all the time.
How are you?
How’s the pain today?
Are you worried?
Not at all. I’m sure everything will be OK.
It’s a necessity of life with this damn disease. If you’re honest, not only will your friends and family start avoiding you, but you’ll start to bore yourself, too. There’s only so much unrelenting crap anyone can deal with before it gets old and miserable and you want to run screaming for the hills. But when you live inside the crap, there’s no way to run.
And so you lie.
Fortunately, admitting and accepting those words that I wrote–as well as successfully completing my long international travel day–have gone a long way in terms of getting me back on the right path.