Just Around The Corner

Right TurnToday has been an even rougher day than my past few days, if you can imagine that.

My left leg is seizing up every third step, and I’m unable to place it in anything resembling a normal position. I can barely get around, and when I do I’m completely out of breath. I’ve developed a severe case of acute gastritis (thanks a lot, shots and pills) which is making my stomach feel like it’s on fire. Oh, and did I mention I’ve got a bad case of the runs? (Talk about the absolute last thing that I need to be moving quickly at this moment!)

This combination on all these new symptoms, on top of everything I’ve previously been dealing with, seems almost comical…but I’m not laughing. If my house was even the least bit wheelchair-accessible, I would have already opted for this form of transportation without so much as a second thought.

But as my body continues on its downward slide, I continue to focus on what I do have working in my favor.

First, my rheumatologist and I have already implemented the additional treatment plan that I described in yesterday’s post. Even though I did not see any improvement today, I do know that it will eventually come. Maybe tomorrow will be the day that shows a slight uptick, if not I’ll just keep on moving forward day by day.

Second, I am allowing myself to feel the supportive safety net of friends and family who surround me. I know they are there to help me, and I am reaching out for all the help — physical and emotional — that I need at this moment.

Third, I continue to encounter this flare, probably my worst to date, with a clear mind. This counts for a lot. I am allowing myself to feel different emotions, and am dealing with all of the problems with an increasing sense of tiredness, but so far I have been able to stave off any episodes of serious depression. I think this has helped tremendously. And even though it’s always tries to creep back in, I continue to remove fear from the equation. This helps a lot, too.

I am quite vulnerable at the moment, I know this…but I continue to do my best. (Placing modesty aside I think I’m doing a heck of a job managing this flare, all things considered!) I’m on the path to recovery. I may not be able to see the signs right now, but I know that they are just around the corner. And if this improvement actually comes later rather than sooner, I pray for the continued strength to get through each new day.

I know I can.

I know I will.

Stay tuned…for the next adventure of Rheumatoid Arthritis Guy!

11 Comments
11 comments
  1. Christy says:

    I know you can weather this storm. You are amazingly strong. Once again, thank you for sharing your journey with us. I hope you find something to kick that flare’s ass ASAP. In the meantime, rent your favorite movies, find your favorite books, indulge in a little of your favorite food and know that you are worth all the hard work to get better.

  2. Lori says:

    Honestly, sometimes I wonder if the meds are worth the side effects. I am due for my 2nd Actemra infusion tomorrow (after a non-delivery from the pharmacy). Some of the side effects are lowered immune system, of course, plus elevated blood pressure and cholesterol and GI perforation, YEAH ?!?!

  3. Millicent says:

    Hang tough. This, too, shall pass. Your attitude will help immeasurably. I am sending positive thoughts your way!

  4. Laurie says:

    Sorry you are having a rough patch right now. Take care of yourself and let yourself be cared for! You deserve it. Gentle hugs to you!

  5. Bernadine says:

    I know my flare is not nearly as bad as yours but I take encouragement from your blogs to know that I don’t travel this journey alone. Praying that you get to feeling better soon.

  6. Alexandra says:

    Hi. I’ve been a regular reader for a while now and feel compelled to write. Be kind to yourself right now, it will help you stay strong. You will get through. (I’m dealing with my own flare and can’t sleep as a result. Enbrel isn’t doing what it should right now. : ( So I’m prepping as much as I can to have a productive day at work today)

  7. Cathy says:

    So, I was reading through your post thinking, “Wow, RA Guy is so lucky right now that this flare came along when he was on break from school. Also, isn’t RA Guy lucky that he is not afraid of his feelings? He allows them to come to the surface so they can be experienced and then he can move on with more ease.” Please don’t get me wrong, I hate that this is causing so much pain for you right now, but this is how I tend to handle my own flares. I have to look at the situation and think of how it could have been worse. Then I feel a little luckier with my outcome.

    I hope with all sincerity that today brings some relief and that your next post will be to share that teeny tiny improvment that you feel today. And if not, no problem because it will come soon enough. I am sending tons of good healthy thoughts your way today.

  8. Halo_Jones says:

    Hang in there. You’re controlling what you can, and there’s no point stressing about what you can’t. Easier said than done when the flares are bad, but worth remembering!

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