Today has been an even rougher day than my past few days, if you can imagine that.
My left leg is seizing up every third step, and I’m unable to place it in anything resembling a normal position. I can barely get around, and when I do I’m completely out of breath. I’ve developed a severe case of acute gastritis (thanks a lot, shots and pills) which is making my stomach feel like it’s on fire. Oh, and did I mention I’ve got a bad case of the runs? (Talk about the absolute last thing that I need to be moving quickly at this moment!)
This combination on all these new symptoms, on top of everything I’ve previously been dealing with, seems almost comical…but I’m not laughing. If my house was even the least bit wheelchair-accessible, I would have already opted for this form of transportation without so much as a second thought.
But as my body continues on its downward slide, I continue to focus on what I do have working in my favor.
First, my rheumatologist and I have already implemented the additional treatment plan that I described in yesterday’s post. Even though I did not see any improvement today, I do know that it will eventually come. Maybe tomorrow will be the day that shows a slight uptick, if not I’ll just keep on moving forward day by day.
Second, I am allowing myself to feel the supportive safety net of friends and family who surround me. I know they are there to help me, and I am reaching out for all the help — physical and emotional — that I need at this moment.
Third, I continue to encounter this flare, probably my worst to date, with a clear mind. This counts for a lot. I am allowing myself to feel different emotions, and am dealing with all of the problems with an increasing sense of tiredness, but so far I have been able to stave off any episodes of serious depression. I think this has helped tremendously. And even though it’s always tries to creep back in, I continue to remove fear from the equation. This helps a lot, too.
I am quite vulnerable at the moment, I know this…but I continue to do my best. (Placing modesty aside I think I’m doing a heck of a job managing this flare, all things considered!) I’m on the path to recovery. I may not be able to see the signs right now, but I know that they are just around the corner. And if this improvement actually comes later rather than sooner, I pray for the continued strength to get through each new day.
I know I can.
I know I will.
Stay tuned…for the next adventure of Rheumatoid Arthritis Guy!