“I’ve been at this for four years now. But I don’t feel very practiced. I feel kind of, well, not numb. The opposite of numb? Like I’m wading in quicksand?
To be honest, I don’t know how I feel right now. But I wonder if this ever gets easier, ever gets less pressing.
I’ve been wondering lately if I’ll ever get ahead of my illnesses, if someday, I won’t feel quite so much like a sick person.
But it also worries me. What happens when I get used to this? What happens when things no longer rock my world off its axis? What happens when abnormal tests, abnormal blood work, abnormal everything, becomes the rule rather than the exception? Am I there yet? Am I already there?”