A few years ago, I made a very concerted and intentional effort to change the focus of each and every new day. Instead of focusing on my pain and limitations, I would instead focus on what I *could* do.
I would focus on life.
As I adopted this new way of living—a way that has and continues to serve me quite well—I found myself emotionally unprepared for many of the reactions and comments that I received.
“Stop showing off,” or “you make me feel inadequate.”
“You’ve forgotten what it’s like to have RA”, or “I doubt you ever really had RA in the first place.”
“It’s irresponsible for you to talk about your decision to get off all medications,” or “you *can’t* get better…the only thing that keeps me going is knowing that I’m not as bad off as you are.”
I hold no anger or resentment to people who sent me such messages; in fact, my feelings are the exact opposite: I wish everyone well. And I hope that anyone who feels stuck behind this disease finds his or her way forward.
I *know* how hard it is to live with this disease, and I know just how completely overwhelming the pain and depression can be. I also know what it’s like to, on multiple occasions, have decided that it was time to end things, once and for all.
People often tell me that much of what I talk about nowadays is easier said than done, to which I would say: abso-effin-lutely. Finding a way to live well with this disease isn’t easy. But it IS possible.
And that is the thought that we always need to hold on to, no matter how rough things get.
Stay tuned…for the next adventure of Rheumatoid Arthritis Guy!
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I’m with you. At 34 years old with RA I accept, live, and struggle. You might enjoy this website I am building that distills psychological wisdom into helful tips for the mental aspects of RA. http://www.rheumatoidmind.com
It is a work in progress and relatively new, but check out the principles of overcoming and the cognitive pages. Like you said, it is easier said than done, but I believe having goals and values to strive for can get us through the worst days.
Your efforts to reach out and take risks are amazing, and an inspiration to me. Cheers!
I’m 39 and I have RA. I am a software developer, and a darn good one. Yesterday, I had an appointment with my Rheumatologist. My first since moving to this country – NZ – six months ago from the UK. Upon seeing him and having been examined, he told me he wasn’t going to let me leave and I was to be urgently admitted to the ward (I’m on a coronary ward, though with a blood pressure of 110/60, I can safely say might heart is fine). Today, I had x-rays and steroid injections in my right elbow and left knee. I’ve been suffering with a deteriorating knee since arriving here, and I’ve just been told (thanks to the x-rays), that my left knee cartilage is irreparably damaged. Ho hum. I guess a knee replacement will be on the menu someday. They are now going to work out new drugs for me and may give me a brace to straighten my leg. My knee is at a constant angle, so I shuffle sideways rather than walk. I’m hoping that with new drugs, exercise and some new physical aids I may be up to walking sometime soon.
Anyway, I was led in hospital reading your (great) blog and had to reply with this information. I hope it’s not out of place? I’ve been switching between thoughts of despair and thoughts of determination all afternoon, which is a common occurrence for me. I am trying to get into a mental habit of always remaining positive, but it’s not an easy task to do.