Wow, talk about a bad flare day. I’m definitely having one today. One of the things that I wrote when I first started blogging was “12 noon is the new 8am – life with RA.” (On a side note, I think that’s the first time that I’ve put a sentence’s closing punctuation inside the quotation marks…what exactly is the rule on this? A quick online search says its a stylistic choice.) Back to the 12 noon thing, though. Today, this saying could not be more true. All morning long I’ve been thinking to myself, “man are my feet hurting!” Usually one foot hurts worse than the other, one ankle hurts worse than the other, and so on. Not today. Today, both sides are absolutely equal…and while it’s me lower body that is getting most of my attention (ever seen feet that look brighter than a tomato?), the fact of the matter is that everything hurts, from top to bottom.
I don’t find myself getting as anxious as I might have in a previous flare of this severity, which I guess is a good thing. But I do find myself once again being surprised at how much it can actually hurt. (And I’ve probably had hundreds of flares that were as bad as today’s is.) You see (and I am sure that others who live with this will know what I am talking about), there is pain that is so bad that even though it registers in the mind at the present, as soon as it passes, that same mind cannot even imagine how bad that pain was. I guess that’s why I’ve always told people that even though I can find a lot of similarity between all of my flares, each and every one of the stands out as its own singular event.
Writing about this helps. During times like these, when is feels like the whole world is shrinking down on me (I was bedridden until about 1:30pm), it’s nice to have a way of counteracting these thoughts of fear and helplessness that enter my mind. It’s scary..but right around now, I’m just a little bit less scared. And I know that I am going to be okay.
Stay tuned…for the next adventure of Rheumatoid Arthritis Guy!